January 2004
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RECOVERING WHOLENESS
Becoming Whole Through Conquering Addiction
Editor's Note: The following article expresses the viewpoint of the author about depression and does not reflect the opinion of Twin Cities WELLNESS (TCW). Depression is a complex and very serious condition and must be treated individually. TCW seeks to publish as wide a variety of articles on the topic of overcoming addiction as possible and in so doing, we often publish articles that we ourselves do not align with. If you wish to submit an article on overcoming addiction, please send proposal to lynn@tcwellness.com.
"Magic is none other than the dropping of this illusion (of the ego-based dualistic reality), and of this habit energy, for to drop it implies freeing that energy - which normally is used to maintain our habitual world." - Versluis
Message Density
by Internal Sources
CHRONIC DEPRESSION IS a bad psychic habit that shows like a Freudian
slip through the translucent dresses of psychiatric jargon.
If you have concluded that this dirty lingerie is a chemical imbalance, a
genetic propensity, a result of events from your past or present
circumstances, you will probably not consult Wonder to find new
perspectives from which to view it, because conclusion and wonder don’t
get along.
The dictionary tells us that one definition
of inspiration is "the act of inhaling." It does
not extend that idea to the definition of depression as the “act of mental
exhalation,” but we can! Language, how we interpret inner events, and what
we focus on can reformat our moods and smooth the nap of emotion that has
been pushed up against the grain.
When you are habitually “depressed” it may seem that there is just no
feeling going on in your body, no action going on in your head. Emotions
can seem disconnected from intellect or worse yet be totally absent.
Listen with all your might, you can notice some insidious whispers coming
from the place you thought was silent. It may seem that these are only
passing thoughts, innocent of emotion. But they can be a source of tidal
waves of emotion. If you are wondering where your energy has gone, you may
be using a good amount of it holding back these reservoirs of feeling. For
people who like to write, feeling is totally “Where It’s At.”
If you thought the answer to every question in the universe was YES,
surely you would change the nature or at least the wording of the
questions you ask yourself. It is imperative to be aware that there is a
way to create a path that leads to where you want to go. If you have no
idea where you want to go you can evoke feeling from the past of a time
when you knew what you wanted.
Holding and keeping that feeling can manifest the real thing, and
perfect practice makes perfect. As psychic-physicists and
paranormal-paleontologists know, intent creates a magical focus. Feats of
linguistic imaginal pole vaulting cause adventures in consciousness, and
it is my suspicion that it also changes brain chemistry. Creative writing
that discovers and uncovers can connect, deepen and awaken fresh meaning.
That ideas are transformed into visual context is thrilling. To create
beautiful moving interactive shapes that weave in and out of each other
like a thought generated "cat's cradle" is an enterprise that opens a
living dialog with the psyche. The psyche is nature's invention, a weather
pattern that we influence all the time. She is an immaterial mystery who’s
effects are tangible. Creative writing can be a real tool to invent a new
direction, a path that the habit of depression does not know how to
follow.
Surprise yourself with breakthrough journaling. If I feel the subtle
weight of Hope’s presence in my future like a small exited dove, I
avoid the temptation to interrogate her for the reason. New psychic
substance is vulnerable and subject to change, it can be limited,
distorted, or completely destroyed, by peeking too soon, like a ruined
soufflé .
Peculiarities about the personal written word are wild! Reading what
you have just written, feels like discovery, but the second or third time
you read it, it’s old news. It has been my experience that re-reading what
I have just written impacts it, seems to cement it, so that it cannot
change or lead anywhere. It dehydrates the recipe to expose it in the same
moment you have pulled it out of the psyche. Try writing a paragraph or
more and do not re-read it. Close the journal. Put it in the drawer like a
pot on the stove to simmer for one week or more. Discovering something new
is what makes life beautiful, no matter what it is you are discovering, in
other words, it is discovery that is creative and it doesn’t care
if the material is “good” or “bad.” The mind craves new discovery. When
you re-read the journal you may find that you don’t remember feeling or
thinking what you wrote, if you can disassociate from your writing, then
you can try applying new meaning to what you have written in the journal .
Writing that is personal and looked at out of context can become a new
strange toy.
Do you experience peripheral visions? In the place where your foot and
the floor meet, there are other places contiguous with that area, and in
the mind the same is so. Yesterday I was obedient to an urge to check my
e-mail while cooking dinner. I have learned to honor these Lilliputian
whisperings. As I went over to the machine I saw on the peripheral that
the cat was ready, as he always is to sit upon my lap, while I play on the
machine, I distinctly thought, no not now, I'm only checking the mail. But
when I sat down in my chair and looked over to make sure he was not
insulted, as he is extremely sensitive to my thinking (and reads my mind
all the time), he was in a deep sleep. He could not have been in the
position I saw him in ready to jump up on my lap only a few seconds ago.
To dismiss this as “my imagination” is to miss an opportunity to explore
small nuances of thought pregnant with potential. Internal
Sources is the other name for LeNor Barry, songwriter, mythologist,
satirist, and web designer, one of the world's best unsigned female
vocalists.
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